Tears Stream

Feeling the tears stream in my right ear from phone conversation
Laying in bed eyes closed
Wondering when conversation will find its end
Hoping questions asked won’t lead to discomfort
Fears realized when wrong question was asked
Lost in steady stream of truth flowing from the mouth
Stating determinations and awakening realization
This relationship has met its end

From the outset with purpose truth was shared
Laid all intentions and desires bare
Searching for a dressed down relationship
No context or shared subtleties
Only sex and the occasional night out for a drink
And she was cool with this

Found her teary eyes distilling
From behind the gated entry they glistened
Shaking the stillness of the night
Shimmering reflections from the moon’s reflected light
Emotions seeping, pressuring seams, pushing to burst
Would hello or the emotional outburst come first?

The first two conversations ensued under a haze
Spurred on by spirits liquid in their form
Bubbling from beneath due to loss of sober façade
Crying for a change in the one she loves
Hoping for a new direction of the life they share
Her heart spills each thought and hurt
Working to make him more aware
To a future she is sure they can reach

Three more times they lost happy discourse in evening conversations
Broaching areas of relationship already discussed
Commitment and formal declaration
Testaments to social and religious indoctrinations
To outwardly declare a depth he swears is not there
He professes joy in the soberness of their engagement
A subtle yet inappropriate swipe in agreement with his patronizing tones
Then proceeds to reiterate his thoughtfulness
How he truly cares with a strong certainty
But finds no strings pulling him into a union
She must find another if determined in matrimony

Tearing forward through time without looking back
Nor looking to the side for sidling conversations
Hurting for still moments to be rare in occurrence
Wondering how once more a casual relationship morphed into something more
Aghast at personal immorality
And lost at having hurt another once more
He turns to the still of his ill-lit apartment
Searching for answers in the blank canvases that are his residential walls

Wanting for a true moment lost in infatuation
Instead of moments lost to continued self-adulation
Lovers lost to undefined prerequisites, arbitrary demands necessary for the loosening of his heart
Leaning towards satisfying at least one’s heart for appearances sake
Inclined to believe in star-crossed destinies
Earning his spiritual and romantic loss I hurt for each one of them because I am the man I am

Copyright © 2010 Willie Huggins a.k.a. EnDepth

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